Single Black Female, how's dating in 2019?

Updated: May 30, 2019

As women, we plan our whole lives out and there are no exceptions when it comes to finding the ‘perfect’ man. We want to meet the man of our dreams, fall in love and live happily ever after. REALITY CHECK it is sooo not like that! (maybe for some but not for most)

Dating… can we talk about it?

Dating can get really interesting. Let’s face it, there are so many different kinds of men, there’s East coast, West coast, Midwest, down south men. I think you get the point! So how do we know which one is right for us? We all have the challenge of finding the ‘right’ partner in the modern day of 2019.

There are so many avenues to navigate. There’s the old-fashion way (which is more up my alley) of just asking a woman on a date with flowers or meeting through a mutual friend and then there’s the more modern way, (which I haven’t gotten into) like online dating or men sliding in the DM’s. Let’s be honest, sliding in the DM’s can go really right or totally left. All this confusion can cause dating to feel like a hectic environment for single women trying to find the perfect match.

As women, it seems like we have to kiss too many frogs just to find our version of a prince. The worst kind of frogs are the ones that disguise themselves as princes, but that’s a different blog for a different day. Sometimes as a woman, we pray for a good man but then make too many assumptions that the next man that comes into your life is ‘the one’ when really that man was there to get you prepared for ‘the one’ and teach us a lesson.

Don’t get me wrong, if I know a thing or two it’s how to have fun when you’re single.

Go out + have fun + don’t take anyone seriously = Single woman and repeat.

I got that formula down!

When it comes to dating we know we can’t have it all… even though we would like to think so…he can’t be tall, dark, handsome, run a fortune 500 company, have a beach house, is a millionaire, pays for everything all the time, owns a boat on the lake, no kids, never been married before, nice, loves your family, faithful, loves God, puts you first over his career, passionate, thoughtful, caring, provides quality time, good with children ( for future reference), can balance his friends, someone who wants to be active participant in your life, has a close relationship with his mom (but not too close) etc..

Okay okay okay we can’t have it all so what from the list do you value?

One method to attract a man you want is to write a list of what you want in a man and write down your deal breakers and compare if you are asking for things in a man that you can also provide.

So for me, my top 3 on my list are:


  • Have a good relationship with his family and mother, as that is a direct reflection on how he would treat you

  • Ambitious and goal oriented

We complain about dating but if we are going to the club and exchanging numbers no wonder why we are getting stuck in non-committed relationships. If this is you switch it up!

We have to start doing things outside of our norm to increase our chances of finding Mr. Right. Go to speed dating events, hang out at a sports bar, go to dating mixers, go to a leadership conference, get involved in things that will attract your dream man. I feel like I am a professional dater because I have been doing it my whole life with the hope to find Mr. Right but, at the moment I am still on the market. I have recently been more intentional with what I am looking for in a potential partner and I went to a dating mixer with my own personal motives to get more photos and video for my passion project and ended up meeting someone. I’ll let you in on a secret, we have been on 2 dates and potentially more to come.

Things like this do work! So, start following Instagram pages that throw events or these types of single mixers. There are plenty of good men in the world but you have to know what you want so when the ship starts sinking you know when to jump ship before you drown. During my research on dating, I asked other women their opinion about dating an here's what some of them had to say.

“Being in a relationship in this generation/era can seem risky and scary. My perspective on dating is making sure that your morals align, date with true intentions, be real, allow the other person to help you grow in the area you’re not helping yourself in. I wanted someone who loves God and is willing to grow separately and together,” -Paris F.

Dating is like a game and while playing that game you pray that you’ll eventually win,” -Dior B.

“I want to date with the intention of growing old with my partner and having a family with them. I sometimes look for love in the wrong places or in the wrong men because at the time I lack the self-confidence. The end game of dating to me is to get married but not for the title but for the lifelong partner that marriage comes with”. -Dana W.

For all my single ladies, you are not alone. There are stigmas attached to being single. For example, if you aren’t married by 26 you are going to alone forever or if you don’t have a child by 34 you will never be a mom. Take all those fears and breathe, it will get better if you believe it will. In life things always seem to come together when you least expect it, and the same will happen with love. Continue to put yourself out there with the best intentions and you might learn something about yourself to then bring into the ‘perfect’ relationship. Cherish the experience you have with people instead of always looking for the next step in life. Enjoy life and the people it brings you. No matter how long that may take.

Love Always Wins!